A Brief Rant.
So explain to me what goes through a person (usually, though not always, a middle age + woman) when they are standing at the check out line, seeing a LOooooong line of their items going through the scanner - invariably more than the suggested 8, 10, or 12 - and then the clerk announces the total, and they get this 'deer in the headlights look'.
Why isn't your wallet ready?
Why don't you have a couple of large bills, or your debit/credit card already in your hand, ready to give to the young lady to pay her?
Why?
Are your surprised that you are suddenly being asked for money in return for the large selection of processed and frozen objects you are going to poison your body with?
Often, I look closely to see if the person in question is barefoot, wearing nothing but a loincloth, and carrying a spear thrower. You never know when someone from a remote hunter/gatherer tribe might stumble into the Dundurn Ave. Fortino's, and decide to grab half a dozen Michelina's.
But invariably, no. They are always reasonably dressed, and for some reason have imponderable amounts of change in their little purses.
The best reason I have ever heard, is that they are "Beige".

Beige is a term that a very bright speaker at a training seminar I went to 20 years ago used to describe people who seem to have no awareness of the world around them - who seem totally oblivious to the fact that there are oh... I don't know ... another 6 BILLION OR SO other people out there who would like to get on with their day. Yes, Beiges are everywhere. They are the ones doing 90 Km/hr in the fast lane. They are the ones who stop halfway through scanning their items at the self serve check out to take a lengthy cell phone call. They are the ones who walk four abreast down the main hall of the shopping mall at the height of the Christmas rush.
They are everywhere out there.
So if you see a beige this holiday shopping season, don't bother screaming at them until you have popped a blood vessel in your eye - it's pointless, they don't get it. And if you are one, don't take offense when I roll my eyes at you and exclaim under my breath: "Beige!"

Dora The Explorer
So, Sam is totally addicted to Dora. Not just a casual "I only watch Dora on the weekends, or when I'm drinking" kind of addiction, but a full on, slinking through the alley "Yo, B, can you score me a nickel bag of Swiper. What man? All you got is VHS? Yo, that's whack!"

In the last few months, I have discovered what it is about Dora that I really dislike. Not her "fingernails on chalkboard" voice, or the fact that she teaches kids that every time they accomplish something, they have every right to expect a musical fanfare. It's the fact that Dora teaches kids that even in moments of extreme crisis and emergency, that they have unlimited time to deliberate their options, and make a decision.

"They're just kids", I hear you say.
Well, sometimes that's when it's most important to think fast.

'Backpack, backpack, backpack backpack, anything you want or need, I've got inside for you...backpack backpack...yayyyyy!
Hola! I'm Backpack! Johnny is about to get his ass kicked by a 12 year old in Grade 3. Let's look inside Backpack and see what can help Johnny keep from getting his ass kicked.
Will his Go! Diego, Go! pencil case keep him from getting his ass kicked? (Long pause)...NOoooooo.
Will his Spongebob Squarepants lunchbox keep him from getting his ass kicked? (Longer pause) Nooooo...
Will his ... Oh! Too late! Johnny's getting his ass kicked! Ooh! Ow! Oh my! Yikes! Ouch! Oooohhh, that's gonna leave a mark! Oh well, better luck next time! Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum...delicioso!"

See?