Washington From Washington Bureau Chief Darren Thorne
Confirming months of avid speculation, the Bush Administration today revealed that billionaire WWE Wrestling mogul Vince McMahon had been added as a special advisor to President Bush. “Mr. McMahon brings unquestioned credentials and a welcome new perspective to the White House” Press Secretary Scott McClelland stated in Mr. McMahon’s introductory press conference. He went on to add “and as a Billionaire, he’ll fit right in with all of the President’s top advisors”.

While the President’s trade mission to France forced him to miss Mr. McMahon’s press conference, the influence of the newest Presidential advisor was arguably already evident at a photo-op featuring the President and his French counterpart, Jacques Chirac, early this afternoon. After the two men clasped hands and pledged to build closer trading ties, President Bush shocked the International press gallery by knocking Mr. Chirac unconscious with a steel folding chair and then leaping over the podium before escaping into the crowd of startled journalists.

Reaction to the addition of Mr. McMahon, who in his introductory press conference immediately unveiled the new United States Security Strategy, “America 2004: Layin’ the Smack Down”, has been mixed. FoxNews hailed the announcement, declaring the move to be “long overdue”, while the Washington Post described it as “probably inevitable”. Rumor has it, however, that the decision to add Mr. McMahon was not universally embraced within the White House, and came over the strong objections of Secretary of State, Colin “the Junkyard Dog” Powell among others.

In point of fact, the most stringent opposition to Mr. McMahon’s addition has clearly originated from within his promotion, the WWE, where sources have reported a genuine anger at the move. Said one anonymous wrestler, “This is ridiculous. Our sport has had enough problems with legitimacy. How are we going to be taken seriously if we affiliate ourselves with the likes of the Bush Administration?”