Vernon (BC)
Tom and Will Green, the two "Wild Boys" who were found near Vernon BC, after having been raised in the forest in isolation by their parents, will be running for the leadership of the new Conservative Party of Canada.

Party insiders announced today, that after Mike Harris bowed out of the race yesterday, the party was in desperate need of "someone with great media presence." The boys, who have been in the media nearly constantly since their discovery this summer, were touted as the "great white hope" of the fledgling united right party.

"They are both literate, and are used to surviving off of scraps of food from neighbors. Both are great qualifications for leadership of the opposition," said Don Mazinkowski, chair of the Progressive Conservative Party's unity committee.
"Besides, who cares if they don't speak French, they stand about as much chance of beating Martin in the next federal election as Harris did."

In other news, Joe Clark, former leader of the PC Party, announced that he was still in opposition to the merger, and not only would he not be running for leader of the new party, but would be moving to the woods around Jasper, to live off of pine cones and berries, in an attempt to improve his political popularity.