Bath Time
So I was giving Isaac his nightly bath tonight, and singing away to him like I often do (Singing in the bathtub!), and it occured to me to ask:
What do 50 Cent and Snoop Dogg sing when they are in the shower.

They musn't rap. That would be silly, and here is my theory why.

Both of them are consumate performers, and so they take their rap performances very seriously. And for those of you who have ever been to a rap show (I've been to only one), you will know that lyrically the artist rarely strays from what's on the album, it's all about the spectacle...seeing them in person, posturing and gesturing in their most machismo fashion on stage. It's also the intensity of their delivery, all these things are what make a rap show either good or bad.

For the record, the one act I have seen, is, of course, Public Enemy. And also for the record, it was one of the three best shows I have ever seen. Chuck D, who must have been in his 40's by then, had more vocal stamina than any Opera singer I have ever worked with, and his delivery, and stage presence were undeniable. But in the end, he only deviated from the normal lyrics once (During Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos...ask me about it some time), and the rest of the time it was Chuck weaving back and forth across the stage, with Flavor Flav adding his verbal jabs, and the S1W's at the side of the stage doing their routine with their Samurai Swords (Canada Customs wouldn't let their fake guns into the country). The whole thing was amazing. As was the intermission, when Flavor Flav came out on stage, took out his Gold Teeth, and started eating fried chicken. I couldn't beleive it. Then my friend next to me, a guy with probably the most hip hop cred in Calgary at the time, starts busting a gut.

"We paid $20 each to come see this joker eat fried chicken. That's Brilliant!"

But I digress.

So these two (Dogg and Cent respectively), I do not feel would be able to do much of a half assed job of performing any kind of rap. Which leads me to beleive that they would not rap at all in the shower, because all of the aforementioned posturing and machismo would simply look, and feel ridiculous if you were standing naked in a porcelain stall with water running over you and a soap-on-a-rope hanging from the faucet. I don't care how many bullet holes are in you, you'd look like a goof, and their respective egos would not allow that to happen.

So what do they sing in the shower?

My theory?

Showtunes.

Specifically, the masterful works of Rogers and Hammerstein.

I was once talking to my friend (the one above from the P.E. concert) about my secret love of country music, and he said that he couldn't get into it, mainly because there was just nothing even vaguely black about it, and for him as a Caribbean Canadian, to watch skinny white chick after skinny white chick prance across the stage in painted on jeans and a halter top just did nothing for him. There was simply no point of reference.

I think the same could be said of Rogers and Hammerstein. Not only is there nobody even vaguely black in the Sound of Music, but the songs and arrangements are so quintessentially 'white', that it is entirely possible that they had not even MET a black person at that point in their lives.

And don't even TALK to me about Oklahoma.

That's whay I figure 50 Cent and Snoop Dogg and their ilk sing that sort of thing in the shower:
a) It would be a totally guily pleasure. Far more scandalous than if they were into inappropriate touching with 18 year old girls, shooting people, or smoking drugs...oh wait a minute. Anyway.
b) I can think of nothing that would more effectively restore my faith in Humanity and all things good than to crack the door to Snoop Dogg's steam filled bathroom and hear his reedy tenor belting out,
"OOOOoooooo- Klahoma every night my honey lamb and I,
Sit alone and talk,
and watch a hawk,
making lazy circles in the SKYYYYYYyyyyy!"

Doesn't that do your soul a world of good?
Does mine.