Santa Barbara (LHJ)
Singer Michael Jackson today surrendered his passport to US authorities as a condition of his bail, but claimed the move was not significant because the picture "doesn't look anything like me."

When Jackson was questioned by reporters outside of the Santa Barbara courthouse where he turned the passport in, he reportedly replied, "It's not like they can tell it's me from the picture anyway. I mean the face in that picture isn't even human, it's some kind of wierd doll or an insect or something. I don't even know where they got it from."

Reporters were shocked, and when Santa Barbara chronicle reporter Dwight Brown called back that the picture was indeed representative of Jacksons bizarre lack of nose or facial hair, he responded "La La La La I can't hear you...I'm not listening."

Jackson then returned to his Neverland ranch outside of Santa Barbara, where he would be reportedly be hosting the 102nd Santa Barbara Cub Scout troup for a weekend of "yummy smores and roasted weenies."