Old Post...
As I sit at my computer today, I am drawn to reflect about the difficulties of accurately portraying babies in the fine arts.
For instance not once have I seen a "Mother and Child" painting where the child's mouth is wide open, and his head is turning purple from screaming. It is impossible for a sculptor to a) get a baby to sit still long enough to sculpt him, and b) accurately recreate both the horror (for you) and the satisfaction (for him) of a good Baby Formula belch.
When writing songs about babies, it seems that Child rhymes best with Mild, which is of course totally inaccurate. What rhymes with Fuss? Cuss? Too much of that going on at 3:00 am. Puss? Thank God for none of that yet. Truss? Well, Isaac is over 11lbs now, but still. See, it just doesn't work.
Similarly, Boy seems to rhyme best with Joy, which is not always accurate. Not that Isaac isn't a bundle of joy, I just wasn't aware that such bundles produces so much noise.
Opera doesn't seem to fare well with the whole baby thing either. In the few operas I can think of with babies in them, the babies seem to be busy getting abducted, or used in some other nefarious way. Why not give the baby the Aria? Babies, if Isaac is any indication, probably have the vocal strength, if not quite the accuracy, to pull the role off. Why couldn't Mozart have put "Di Urlo di Bambino" somewhere in Don Giovanni. Most importantly, would any but the most seasoned listener know that it was a baby screaming, and not, say, a coloratura soprano singing a high C?
Finally, there isn't a whole lot of Infant Ballet going on out there either. I can't see Isaac as a real ballet kind of guy, maybe it's just me, although what he does in his crib when he wants to be picked up, is not too far from some Interpretive Dance I've seen. And with his Mobile playing Bach right by him, the effect can be quite lovely. Although upon further reflection, the frantic kicking and punching he does when he's bored of being left alone is more like competitive aerobics than anything else.
So, with a lack of accurate portrayals of babies in the fine arts, we have to turn to more pedestrian forms of entertainment. Popular music, digital snapshots, and of course, limericks:
There once was a child from Toronto,
Who said, "I'll do just what I want to,
Such as cry night and day
In an awfully loud way,
Unless I get all my meals pronto."
As I sit at my computer today, I am drawn to reflect about the difficulties of accurately portraying babies in the fine arts.
For instance not once have I seen a "Mother and Child" painting where the child's mouth is wide open, and his head is turning purple from screaming. It is impossible for a sculptor to a) get a baby to sit still long enough to sculpt him, and b) accurately recreate both the horror (for you) and the satisfaction (for him) of a good Baby Formula belch.
When writing songs about babies, it seems that Child rhymes best with Mild, which is of course totally inaccurate. What rhymes with Fuss? Cuss? Too much of that going on at 3:00 am. Puss? Thank God for none of that yet. Truss? Well, Isaac is over 11lbs now, but still. See, it just doesn't work.
Similarly, Boy seems to rhyme best with Joy, which is not always accurate. Not that Isaac isn't a bundle of joy, I just wasn't aware that such bundles produces so much noise.
Opera doesn't seem to fare well with the whole baby thing either. In the few operas I can think of with babies in them, the babies seem to be busy getting abducted, or used in some other nefarious way. Why not give the baby the Aria? Babies, if Isaac is any indication, probably have the vocal strength, if not quite the accuracy, to pull the role off. Why couldn't Mozart have put "Di Urlo di Bambino" somewhere in Don Giovanni. Most importantly, would any but the most seasoned listener know that it was a baby screaming, and not, say, a coloratura soprano singing a high C?
Finally, there isn't a whole lot of Infant Ballet going on out there either. I can't see Isaac as a real ballet kind of guy, maybe it's just me, although what he does in his crib when he wants to be picked up, is not too far from some Interpretive Dance I've seen. And with his Mobile playing Bach right by him, the effect can be quite lovely. Although upon further reflection, the frantic kicking and punching he does when he's bored of being left alone is more like competitive aerobics than anything else.
So, with a lack of accurate portrayals of babies in the fine arts, we have to turn to more pedestrian forms of entertainment. Popular music, digital snapshots, and of course, limericks:
There once was a child from Toronto,
Who said, "I'll do just what I want to,
Such as cry night and day
In an awfully loud way,
Unless I get all my meals pronto."
posted by Jason Allen at 9:41 PM
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