Toronto (CP)
CIBC announced today that John Hunkin would be stepping down as Chairman of the bank, and would be replaced by "A bald white guy wearing a suit."
CIBC spokesperson Linda White said, "As one of Canada's largest financial institutions, we have an obligation to our shareholders to continue to appoint bald white men who wear suits, in order to maintain our profitability, and deliver superior value for our customers, shareholders and employees, many of whom also wear suits."
According to White, the new Chairman would "Continue the longstanding practice of jacking up fees at every available opportunity, and reducing customer service staff" in order to maintain CIBC's profitability.
The new Chairman, Bill Etherington, a former suit wearer for IBM, has also suggested the implementation of a $0.01 per transaction "Board Sustenance Fee" to subsidize the donuts and Tim Horton's coffee that board members are served at every meeting.
Etherington will begin his post "As soon as my nice blue suit gets back from the cleaners."
CIBC announced today that John Hunkin would be stepping down as Chairman of the bank, and would be replaced by "A bald white guy wearing a suit."
CIBC spokesperson Linda White said, "As one of Canada's largest financial institutions, we have an obligation to our shareholders to continue to appoint bald white men who wear suits, in order to maintain our profitability, and deliver superior value for our customers, shareholders and employees, many of whom also wear suits."
According to White, the new Chairman would "Continue the longstanding practice of jacking up fees at every available opportunity, and reducing customer service staff" in order to maintain CIBC's profitability.
The new Chairman, Bill Etherington, a former suit wearer for IBM, has also suggested the implementation of a $0.01 per transaction "Board Sustenance Fee" to subsidize the donuts and Tim Horton's coffee that board members are served at every meeting.
Etherington will begin his post "As soon as my nice blue suit gets back from the cleaners."
posted by Jason Allen at 12:39 PM
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