The Great Divide
I have officially discovered the one main reason that I could not live comfortably in central america. That reason is, simply put, I can not stand the thought of someone else thinking that I was "better" than they were.
It's one thing for people to think I am a better Sales Trainer, Sales Person, or even father or husband. I will generally find some way to pump them up, and make them think about their own strengths in a different way. That's fine.
I'm talking about someone thinking that they are 'below' me on a fundamental values kind of scale.
In Nicaragua, our guide referred to it at the "servant mentality."
While there, we get in the car on Friday night, and have no idea where to go for Dinner. We ask our driver (Don Roger, whom you already know I think very highly of), where to go. He takes us immediately to El Rancho, and says he'll wait outside while we eat.
"No way," says Eric, unaware of any potential issues. "Come on in, and we'll buy you dinner."
I assume he's going to come in, and hop out of the car. But for the next several minutes, Eric stays in the car, clearly trying to convince Roger to join us at our treat. Finally Eric gets out and says Roger's not going to come.
David (the fast talking chicken snatcher) suggests that Roger will probably never join us, and that Eric can give him $10 or so, and tell him to go get some dinner. I am really upset at this point, when lo and behold, Roger comes walking across. He has agreed to join us! Problem solved.
Not so fast.
So we get into the restaurant, and it's fancy. I mean one of the two nicest places I've eaten in Managua, and we ate at some fancy restaurants.
Roger opens his menu, and then closes it quietly and puts it on his lap.
Eric asks him in Spanish what he wants to eat, and he quietly tells Eric he won't be ordering, because he doesn't feel right asking us to spend that much money for him on dinner.
I am about to lose it at this point, when an Idea strikes me, and I ask Eric to explain to Roger in Spanish that dinner that night was my thank you to him for taking me to the amazing gallery the night before.
Eric does, Roger smiles wide, and proceeds to order a nice meal.
This drove me nuts. We have offered to buy the guy dinner. He knows we're from Canada, and that our $ is worth nearly 20 of his, but he can't bring himself to accept our invitation because he is the 'servant."
That, my friends, is what bothers me. I would like to say that is is "wrong", but who am I to make a value judgement about what is right and wrong in another person's country or life. It is however, so totally alien to me, that I think it really tainted my last evening there.
You all know what I think of Roger, and if I had my way, I would have bought him dinner every night. Now I realize just how uncomfortable that would have made him feel.
The Great Divide indeed.
I have officially discovered the one main reason that I could not live comfortably in central america. That reason is, simply put, I can not stand the thought of someone else thinking that I was "better" than they were.
It's one thing for people to think I am a better Sales Trainer, Sales Person, or even father or husband. I will generally find some way to pump them up, and make them think about their own strengths in a different way. That's fine.
I'm talking about someone thinking that they are 'below' me on a fundamental values kind of scale.
In Nicaragua, our guide referred to it at the "servant mentality."
While there, we get in the car on Friday night, and have no idea where to go for Dinner. We ask our driver (Don Roger, whom you already know I think very highly of), where to go. He takes us immediately to El Rancho, and says he'll wait outside while we eat.
"No way," says Eric, unaware of any potential issues. "Come on in, and we'll buy you dinner."
I assume he's going to come in, and hop out of the car. But for the next several minutes, Eric stays in the car, clearly trying to convince Roger to join us at our treat. Finally Eric gets out and says Roger's not going to come.
David (the fast talking chicken snatcher) suggests that Roger will probably never join us, and that Eric can give him $10 or so, and tell him to go get some dinner. I am really upset at this point, when lo and behold, Roger comes walking across. He has agreed to join us! Problem solved.
Not so fast.
So we get into the restaurant, and it's fancy. I mean one of the two nicest places I've eaten in Managua, and we ate at some fancy restaurants.
Roger opens his menu, and then closes it quietly and puts it on his lap.
Eric asks him in Spanish what he wants to eat, and he quietly tells Eric he won't be ordering, because he doesn't feel right asking us to spend that much money for him on dinner.
I am about to lose it at this point, when an Idea strikes me, and I ask Eric to explain to Roger in Spanish that dinner that night was my thank you to him for taking me to the amazing gallery the night before.
Eric does, Roger smiles wide, and proceeds to order a nice meal.
This drove me nuts. We have offered to buy the guy dinner. He knows we're from Canada, and that our $ is worth nearly 20 of his, but he can't bring himself to accept our invitation because he is the 'servant."
That, my friends, is what bothers me. I would like to say that is is "wrong", but who am I to make a value judgement about what is right and wrong in another person's country or life. It is however, so totally alien to me, that I think it really tainted my last evening there.
You all know what I think of Roger, and if I had my way, I would have bought him dinner every night. Now I realize just how uncomfortable that would have made him feel.
The Great Divide indeed.
posted by Jason Allen at 12:28 PM
1 Comments:
Jay, you bring up an important and yet challenging issue to communicate. I have pretty strong feelings about this as well, but opt to not say much, most of the time (you KNOW how difficult that is for me) because I don't have much hope that people will believe me.
My opinion is that white people will not ever really experience discrimination. Period. Whereever they go, they will be treated better than they would their own people or people of other colours. Even if they dislike their attitude (if they're American for example), they will automatically (subconsciously) treat them differently (better) than others. They will want to look like them, eat like them, dress like them, have their children marry them, etc, etc.
White people, generally speaking, represent something 'other.' They represent education / wealth / prestige whether the recipients of this perception know it or not. Whether or not they even agree. It's unjust, it's unfair. God created us equally, but we are not equal when it comes to culture & society.
That's why I actually appreciate traveling around as an Asian woman. I often don't have the same baggage (for good or ill) that other people do. The people from that culture may have some opinions of Asians, but not many. I can also get away with more, as the stereotypes aren't as strong.
But, while in Nigeria, I got a small idea of what it would be like to be a white person - they called me "baturi" which means "white person." I realized, with a shock and a little late that they deferred to me and gave me power. Wow! I had to adjust to that and then figure out how to counter that idea, just like you did at dinner.
Anyway, way to be culturally aware and work through the cultural discrepancy.
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