Things that made me laugh today
1. I went to the post office this evening to mail Jess's present (yes, it will be late), and popped next door to Fortinos, the big grocery chain here in Hamilton.

I love shopping at the closest Fortino's to MacMaster University late on a Monday night, 10 minutes to closing to be exact. It's not just the sorority sisters saying things like "We'll just buy our food together and share it"not knowing that three months from now they'll be saying "If that bitch finishes my mustard and doesn't replace it one more time, I'm going to use her lung fluid as a condiment", it's more the 275 lb 6'6" linebacker dude who was wandering around the store like he had just had a lobotomy, carrying:
1 1 litre container of skim milk, and
1 oh....say.... 6lb or so bag of bulk smarties.
Can you say, Munchies? And when a guy that big gets the munchies, it means trouble to the local candy population.

2. I was watching Monday night football tonight, because I am tired of watching my two favorite teams, the Stamps and the TiCats get their asses whipped, week in and week out, so I thought I would watch my 'heart team', the San Francisco 49'ers, get their asses whipped.

I say Heart team, because that's the only NFL team I can really be expected to a) care at all about, and b) cheer for year in and year out, not matter how badly they stink. Which for the last half a decade or so, has been at an advanced level of ripeness.

They are, in fact my heart team, because one of my fondest memories of growing up an Allen, was watching SuperBowl 16 (the last interesting one) where Joe Montana, with about 4 minutes to go in the game, systematically dismantled the Cincinati Bengal's defence to win the game. It was a great game, and I felt like I was starting to really understand football for the first time, and in a funny way, I was starting to understand my Dad too, and really bond with him, not so much Big Adult to little boy, but more as two guys jumping up and down on the sofa and screaming at the TV. Of course, I was all of, what, 10 or so? But it is a great memory nonetheless.

So, during the halftime show (which I should mention was on ESPN), the commentator shows a very firmly thrown, and accurate pass by the San Fran quarterback, and says, and I quote, and I wish I was making this up:
"He really knows how to hurl that spheroid."

It was so obviously stupid, that the other colour comentator, started teasing him.

And that, my friends, is the problem with the NFL, and indeed with pretty much the entire American sporting-industrial complex. It just takes itself too damned seriously.

3. While flicking channels, because, hey, I'm a guy: I saw an ad for a Green Tea infused fingernail strengthener for women who have trouble growing their nails. It in fact came with an iron clad guarantee. "Longer nails in 5 days, guaranteed."

What they fail to mention is that you could get the same results sitting on the couch watching Oprah reruns and drinking Cosmopolitans, or sitting as a juror through a long and complex corporate fraud trial, or eating your body weight in ants. The list is endless, and includes pretty much every activity you can think of...yes, even that one...except for "trimming your nails". The only other forbidded activity would be "biting your nails." And of course "hitting the ends of your fingers with a ball pein hammer." Which of course wouldn't make sense at all, unless you were Gordon O'Connor's press secretary trying dull the pain of what was going to happen tomorow, when your boss's boss, the erstwhile Prime Minister, hung yet another cabinet minister out to dry.

But I digress.

So those things made me laugh today. For those of you wondering, Isaac was really good today. Sam just cooed alot.

Just a quick survey - How many of you wanted to be Solid Gold dancers when your grew up? Reply to comments please.